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Title: Share of Bitterness
Author: [livejournal.com profile] nu_breed
Pairing: Peter/Sam
Rating: R
Word count: 479
Summary: Peter wants to be saved.
Spoilers: Heroes 1x11
Notes: Set in the same 'verse as In A State and More You Understand.
For [livejournal.com profile] coolwhipdiva who wanted Sam and Peter with snow. My enormous gratitude to [livejournal.com profile] enoughoflove for betaing as always. ::smooch::



When Peter dreams, he sees snow. Tiny flakes that cover the ground, that dissolve when they fall on his skin, his hair. He reaches out to touch them, but as soon as he does they’re gone and all that’s left is powder. He can feel it everywhere, sticking under his fingernails, coating his skin.

Snow isn’t black like charcoal. Snow isn’t death and it doesn’t make things dirty and impure. Snow isn’t what’s left after he’s killed himself and everyone he ever loved.

Snow isn’t ash.

It’s innocence. It’s fun and laughter. It’s Nathan and he in happier times. Back when the only thing they had to worry about was how to pelt the other with snowballs without Mom seeing, or whose snowman looked the most real. Peter always lost. He always gave in, because Nathan was an absolute nightmare to be around when he thought that Peter had managed to do anything better than him. Even when they were kids. Especially then.

Sam understands, because he has a brother too. Dean isn’t a lot like Nathan, but in some ways he’s exactly the same.

Peter knows Sam understands so much more than that, too.

They don’t talk about it. Ever. The first time Peter shows up unannounced, weak and pale with dark circles under his eyes, Sam just holds his face in his hands and kisses him; slow and deliberate. Peter tries to open his mouth to say… something. But nothing comes out.

“I know.” It’s all Sam says before he’s dropping to his knees and pulling Peter down with him onto the filthy motel carpet which scratches and burns Peter’s skin.

Sam knows. And there’s nothing that either of them can say, nothing that’ll make it better. Nothing that’ll stop it.

It’s not about that. It’s about forgetting, about Peter losing himself. It’s about Sam spread out under him, naked and golden.

Sam is warm and tight and perfect and as Peter thrusts into him, Sam’s head rolls back and his neck is long and taut and beautiful. Peter kisses him there, mouths the skin. He can feel Sam’s pulse under his lips, a steady beat that reminds Peter that they’re both alive.

When they’re like this, when Peter’s inside Sam; fucking him long and slow and lazy, Peter can convince himself, even for a minute, that this is all there is. That the future doesn’t exist and he can lose himself in Sam. Pretend to himself that everything isn’t completely screwed.

Pretend he’s not responsible.

When Peter comes, he sees Sam in his head. Sam and his brother saving a woman and her kids from a burning building and he wonders if there’s any way they could save him. Peter wasn’t supposed to be the one that needed saving. He was supposed to be the one that saved the world.

Not the one that destroyed it.



the end

Followed by The Special Ones

Date: 2006-12-09 06:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taniapretender.livejournal.com
ZOMG. That was...WOW.

ANd the ashes confused as snow ? It made my heart stop, almost. It is so much like the concentration camp image, when they thought in town it was snowing when really, it was the wind blowing the ashes from the judes.

Date: 2006-12-09 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Wow. Thank you so much :)

I'm really pleased the snow metaphor worked. Though I didn't even think about the Holocaust reference. That's really chilling ::shiver::

Date: 2006-12-09 01:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pheebs1.livejournal.com

It’s not about that. It’s about forgetting, about Peter losing himself. It’s about Sam spread out under him, naked and golden.


Aw Peter. Yeah I love these two.

Date: 2006-12-09 08:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Thanks. I'm kinda addicted to them, even though I am messing with my OTP to do so :)

Date: 2006-12-09 02:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trish786.livejournal.com
Gah *brain melts*

I usually don't read slash, but i couldn't resist the hotness (and angst) of the pairing. That was great.

Date: 2006-12-09 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Wow, that's an amazing compliment, thank you. I'm so pleased you took a chance on this :)

Date: 2006-12-10 01:26 am (UTC)
mf_luder_xf: (SPN hollow)
From: [personal profile] mf_luder_xf
So I just totaly found out that there was more to the Peter/Sam pairing from you and this was my face--> \o/!!! I am so happy.

Though, I'll admit, Peter as a top. Not what I was expecting. But it fits with the fic.

Love it and I hope you write more!!

Date: 2006-12-10 02:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Thanks so much :)

Yeah. I did have my reasons for Peter topping Sam. I wanted him to fuck his pain away, and since I very easily see Sam as a bottom, it made sense to go there for me.

I'm so glad you're enjoying the boys.

Date: 2006-12-10 03:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pushingyouaway.livejournal.com
...

i'm sorry. i now have the image of peter and sam in my head and i'm...not very coherent...

holyshiitemuslim

They don’t talk about it. Ever. The first time Peter shows up unannounced, weak and pale with dark circles under his eyes, Sam just holds his face in his hands and kisses him; slow and deliberate. Peter tries to open his mouth to say… something. But nothing comes out.
*flail*

*gives you TONS of cookies*

Date: 2006-12-10 04:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, and incoherence is a good thing!

Date: 2006-12-10 07:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] coolwhipdiva.livejournal.com
When Peter comes, he sees Sam in his head. Sam and his brother saving a woman and her kids from a burning building and he wonders if there’s any way they could save him. Peter wasn’t supposed to be the one that needed saving. He was supposed to be the one that saved the world.

Not the one that destroyed it.


Oh my God, Yvette - that's just ripped my heart out, in such a good way. Thanks so much for sharing it.

Date: 2006-12-10 10:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Awww, sweetie ::hugs::

Thank you so much. It means a lot that it affected you like that.

Date: 2006-12-11 12:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] geneli4.livejournal.com
this piece is so dark, and the weight of peter's future is so heavy, and this right here --

When Peter comes, he sees Sam in his head. Sam and his brother saving a woman and her kids from a burning building and he wonders if there's any way they could save him. Peter wasn't supposed to be the one that needed saving. He was supposed to be the one that saved the world.

-- is so damn perfect, seriously, i'm not at all sure you even need that last line. *loves and loves*

Date: 2006-12-11 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Oh you give the most wonderful feedback. Thank you, I'm all grinny.

And yeah, it does work without the last line, doesn't it? Hmmm, interesting.

Date: 2006-12-11 03:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] geneli4.livejournal.com
for real? i always think my comments are all gushy and incoherent, but, dude, i'm happy they make you happy! *beams*

even so, i so very didn't mean to imply that the actual last line didn't, like, work or whatever, just that the preceding paragraph is SO DAMN GOOD i didn't need anything more, you know? (at least, not until the next time you write them!) because that image, the neediness of it, the wistfulness, the way it merges with the rest, just, GUH. i loved it, and really, that's all i was trying to say!

Date: 2006-12-11 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
because that image, the neediness of it, the wistfulness, the way it merges with the rest, just, GUH. i loved it, and really, that's all i was trying to say!

Thanks, hon. I knew what you meant, no worries :)

Date: 2006-12-11 01:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] geneli4.livejournal.com
whew! ♥♥♥

Date: 2007-02-16 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] heidi8.livejournal.com
I just decided to take a step into the abyss, and *blushes* started a community...

Would you crosspost to [livejournal.com profile] peter_and_sam?

Date: 2007-02-18 07:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Sure, will do.

Oh and nice icon. I need me a Peter/Sam icon :)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2007-03-01 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it :)
(deleted comment)

Date: 2007-05-08 05:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nu-breed.livejournal.com
What can I say in response to such wonderful feedback?

Thank you so much. I am also a wincest girl, but something about this pairing just made sense and it grabbed me and wouldn't let go ;)

And that was beautiful.

And again, thank you. I kinda love the line so I'm glad it wasn't just me.

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